Many people have asked if Nick Swisher’s over-enthusiastic, bubbly, happy-go-lucky act is genuine. So, I took it upon myself to find out for sure. I took him to some of the more mundane places around town, just to see if his attitude changed at all.
Nick Swisher goes to the library…
Me: Nick, this is the Cuyahoga County Public Library, home to thousands of books.
Nick: Awesome, bro! I love to read!
Me: Come on, Nick. Keep it to a whisper. This is a library.
Nick: Sorry, man! I just can’t contain myself around a good novel! Like this one right here!
Me: Nick, that’s a book by Virginia Woolf, one of the most morbid authors in history. She drowned herself in a river because she was so depressed.
Nick: I love a good swim, bro!
Nick Swisher goes to the aquarium…
Me: Nick, this is the Greater Cleveland Aquarium.
Nick: Look, there’s Nemo! What’s up, my brother?!
Me: That’s just a minnow, dude. It’s in the tank to give the bigger fish some food.
Nick: Man, the food chain is so legit!
Nick Swisher goes to the history museum…
Me: Nick, this is the Cleveland Museum of Natural History.
Nick: This is the bomb!
Me: Well, yes, that’s a Pearl Harbor exhibit. And here’s one on the Mesozoic Era.
Nick: Earth is wild, bro! Those dinosaurs were ballin’!
Me: Nick, this is Beachwood Place, your prototypical mall.
Nick: Oh, damn! They have a food court here?!
Me: Uh, have you ever been to a mall?
Nick: I’m gonna get me some Asian Chao and an Auntie Anne’s pretzel!
Me: Whatever floats your boat, dude.
Nick: They have a candy store, too! Insane, bro!
Me: I don’t think you need any more sugar.
(Photo credit to Deadspin via someone else, probably)