The Adventures of Nick Swisher

Many people have asked if Nick Swisher’s over-enthusiastic, bubbly, happy-go-lucky act is genuine. So, I took it upon myself to find out for sure. I took him to some of the more mundane places around town, just to see if his attitude changed at all.Nick Swisher

Nick Swisher goes to the library…

Me: Nick, this is the Cuyahoga County Public Library, home to thousands of books.

Nick: Awesome, bro! I love to read!

Me: Come on, Nick. Keep it to a whisper. This is a library.

Nick: Sorry, man! I just can’t contain myself around a good novel! Like this one right here!

Me: Nick, that’s a book by Virginia Woolf, one of the most morbid authors in history. She drowned herself in a river because she was so depressed.

Nick: I love a good swim, bro!

Nick Swisher goes to the aquarium…

Me: Nick, this is the Greater Cleveland Aquarium.

Nick: Look, there’s Nemo! What’s up, my brother?!

Me: That’s just a minnow, dude. It’s in the tank to give the bigger fish some food.

Nick: Man, the food chain is so legit!

Nick Swisher goes to the history museum…

Me: Nick, this is the Cleveland Museum of Natural History.

Nick: This is the bomb!

Me: Well, yes, that’s a Pearl Harbor exhibit. And here’s one on the Mesozoic Era.

Nick: Earth is wild, bro! Those dinosaurs were ballin’!

Nick Swisher goes to the mall…bplace

Me: Nick, this is Beachwood Place, your prototypical mall.

Nick: Oh, damn! They have a food court here?!

Me: Uh, have you ever been to a mall?

Nick: I’m gonna get me some Asian Chao and an Auntie Anne’s pretzel!

Me: Whatever floats your boat, dude.

Nick: They have a candy store, too! Insane, bro!

Me: I don’t think you need any more sugar.



(Photo credit to Deadspin via someone else, probably)


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